Grace for the Moment

Today is a day full of joy and sorrow as seven years ago on this day, my mother breathed her last breath on this earth.

These last few months approaching the anniversary of my mother's death have been particularly challenging this year.  Maybe because I'm a bit physically fatigued from a month full of late nights and early mornings, perhaps because I am mentally fatigued from nearly a year of language lessons and struggling to communicate, perhaps because I am emotionally fatigued from being so far removed from our amazing circle of family and friends in NC - or perhaps just because I am a daughter who longs to share these amazing adventures with a devoted mother. 

However, I recently began reading "The Hiding Place", the biography of Corrie Ten Boom, an amazing women who suffered much at the hands of the Germans in WWII, but continue to share a gospel of grace, forgiveness and love.  And in the first 45 pages I have been encouraged beyond measure.  One account from the book spoke to me particularly about this idea of grace and trust.  In this passage, a young Corrie asked her father a difficult question regarding an issue she was not ready to be exposed to.  Here is her father's response:
"He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing.  At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. 
'Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?' he said.
I stood up and tugged at it.  It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning.
'It's too heavy,' I said.
'Yes,' he said. 'And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load.  It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge.  Some knowledge is too heavy for children.  When you are older and stronger you can bear it.  For now you must trust me to carry it for you.'"

I know this passage is talking about knowledge, but it spoke to me also about my trust in God's grace and his ability to carry all of my fears, worries, and sorrows. 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10

I am reminded that grace is not something that we can gather up and store up for a time of need.  But it is something that is dispensed in just the right increments at just the right time.  When we think ahead of what could happen, our minds often travel to the worst case scenerio and then fear creeps in.  We ask "How can I ever manage if that happens?", "Or what will I do if my plans to not work out as I hope?".  God is asking us to trust - something that is so difficult - when we only want control.  We think we know best - but God is telling us that he knows perfectly.  It is our heavenly Father, full of compassion and one who does not desire to crush a broken spirit, who desires for us to grasp a small glimpse of his grace through these trying times.

 It is a supernatural peace that He provides.  One that can only be given from a Father who has given the ultimate sacrifice and faced the ultimate sadness - placing our deserved punishment on His perfect Son. 

Now in these trying days, where the rubber meets the road, faith must be put into action.  I must preach to myself the comforting words of Christ, reflect on the amazing blessing of 26 years with a mother who devoted herself to her family and press on knowing that one day there will be a perfect reunion.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
How then, can we say a day such as today can be full of joy?  It is because we know that Linda Nix is no longer required to live by faith, no longer grappling with fear, worry and sorry.  Her faith has become sight, and she is now in the presence of her Savior - Jesus Christ. 

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.  Psalm 116:15